slowly sinking into my head.

Dear you,

I've never been a heroine in a tragic love story and you've never been the one who gets the girl.

We're both the type that gets left behind and I guess that also means we're the type who's good at leaving. You seem to be an expert at leaving, and we both know I'm good at endings.

But I'm especially good at killing people off to make the story end with a nice, neat bow.

And the truth here is while you've been left behind so many times because death wasn't so kind to your heart, I've been left behind simply because I wasn't good enough.

Sometimes it's easier to think of you as dead so I can get over you.

Though I guess it doesn't really work that way. You'll probably never get over her, and I'm sorry for that, because you've got no one to blame except life. But that's wrong.

Remember how I'm really good at killing people off to end a difficult plot line?

And I know this is confusing, and I know I'm no good at explaining things, but just bare with me for a minute. Sometimes it's easier to think of you as dead so I can get over you.

But you probably aren't dead and we probably aren't a tragic love story.

I'm just a girl who will always be in love with you, because love at first sight doesn't really work for me. Love after hours and hours of conversations and spilling my soul and guts all over the place is what works for me, which yeah, I know, it's a mess, but I've never really been the type for stories that weren't a little gory in the details.

And you're just a boy who will never love me, not the way I want, who will always pick her and her and her and her over me. Maybe that's because I'm really bad at showing my affections and maybe that's because I'm complicated and maybe that's because I've never been good with difficult plot lines.

But it's always been me who was the one that cut the plot short. I was always the one who was good at killing people off.

How could there be so many unfinished plot lines and stories that you just left me with? How could so many threads be cut just like that?

I guess you were always bad with endings.

I think my point here is that I need to sum up everything with an ending, but all I keep thinking of is the things I could be telling you but can't.

I could tell you about how she's getting married and how she got proposed to and how I'm getting more sure of myself and how I'm more lost than ever all at the same time and how college is so different from before but not all that different at all and about that boy who I wish I knew so I could love him.

I could tell you about how I love you.

I could tell you about how I love him.

But then that seems pointless, because you could be dead and we could be a tragic love story.

Probably not, though. After all, I've never been the heroine of a tragic love story and you never end up with the girl.

Sincerely still here,
xx
Blue