trust me boy, you wanna be high for this.

Dear you,

You exhale smoke that melts into the stars and you breathe like every breath is your last.

We're both killing ourselves. We're slowly setting ourselves on fire from the inside out just by breathing. That's what you told me, but you were laughing when you said it.

I don't mind dying a little if it means I can stay close to you.

I haven't told you anything like that, though. I keep it all inside and watch you exhale smoke and you don't say anything about it. I'm sure it's obvious. I'm sure you know by now that I think your laugh is the most beautiful thing in this world and that your eyes hold my heart in an iron grip.

I'm sure you can tell it's hard to breathe when I'm next to you.

Anytime we walk next to each other my fingers start twitching because they want to be laced into the spaces between yours. It's hard to resist and sometimes I have to run ahead of you just to keep myself under control.

I don't know how to handle this.

I don't know how to handle this to the point where I've been thinking about getting drunk just so I can blurt it out with no inhibitions. I've been thinking about getting high because maybe if I'm not grounded, I can say it. So I don't have to keep holding it back, so I don't burst from not telling you.

But I'm a coward and I've never been one for substance abuse.

You exhale smoke and I breathe it in, as if you're somehow that smoke and if it's in my lungs and my bloodstream, I'll be closer to you. Things have never really worked that way even if I wish they did.

I don't think I love you. But I think if you asked, I wouldn't deny it.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue