aching and bruising by myself.

Dear you,

This isn't a letter about you.

This is a letter about everyone who came before you.

This is a letter about the first boy I ever loved and about the last boy I loved. This is a letter about the first girl I ever loved and the girl I will always love. And this is a letter about all the many people I have fallen in love with in between.

The first boy I ever loved had more freckles on his face than I could count and big brown eyes that matched mine. He wasn't as short as I was, but he was just as skinny. And I knew I was in love the moment he lost to me in a race and asked for a rematch every day after that. He never did beat me, but I remember he never got upset with me for being fast, only upset that he was slow.

The first girl I ever loved sat next to me only because our last names started with the same letter. And I remember the day she moved into our class and how I was jealous because she was so much taller and smarter and already had braces when I was still only learning the differences between girls and boys. She's still so much taller and smarter but now we both have straight teeth and she loves me too.

The first boy I said, "I love you" to made me laugh so hard I snorted for the first time in my life. I wrote him a letter that was 142 pages long and he will always contain a piece of my heart because ten months of devotion is hard for the heart to forget. He doesn't have my first kiss but he has my first love and he will always be the first, though not the last.

The first girl I ever thought, "I wish we could be married" is still making jokes with me about our married life. And I know we will never actually be married and I know we will never be anything but jokingly romantic, but facebook told me the other day we were soulmates and for once facebook may have been right about something.

You are the boy I am still in love with and you are not the first, nor do I hope you will be the last. Because I am not the girl you are in love with and I don't think I will ever be the girl you are in love with. I never gave you my lips and you never gave me yours. I never gave you any firsts and you never gave me any of yours.

This is not a letter about you.

This is a letter about everyone who came before you.

And hopefully someday there will be a letter about the people who came after you, too.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue