we both know we're not that strong.

Dear you,

My make up is days old and you smell like cold pizza.

I taste like the ocean and you've got hat hair, but that's no different from last night.

"You look fucking amazing," you say, and I laugh so hard my face hurts because even if you don't believe it, I know it's a lie. And then you smile because you're convinced that my teeth are brighter than the sun, when really, I just brush them twice a day and have a small dimple in the left corner of my mouth. My eyes get crinkly from smiling too much, but you don't mind, because you've got them memorized. And then you say something about stupid sharks just to watch me laugh again.

Then when I start feeling sleepy, you won't be bothered. Because though you're terrified of me leaving, somewhere inside yourself you know I won't be gone when the morning comes. You can't explain it, and neither can I, but who cares?

"Sleep baby," you say. But I don't want to because when I dream, I don't know if it will be of you or of him and darling, that's scary.

Because I don't love him, but he's compelling. He held me for so long, kept me safe and warm. He was there in the dark with a flashlight. Now he's gone, and he's left his mark.

And though my soul aches for you, my heart's lost. It's been gone for so long, I've forgotten where it went. I think it's in the back pocket of a boy with fiery hair and a hero complex, but it might be behind a record player owned by a boy with big dreams and too much hair.

I wish you could find it. I wish I could just hand you a map and say, "Here's where it's at, dear. I want you to have it."

I'm filled with empty promises and too many thoughts.

But sweetheart, you're filled with so many hopes. You shine and that makes me think maybe you'll find it on your own.

I apologize in advance for the condition of my heart. It's my fault for losing it in the first place.

Sincerely with love,
xx
Blue