Is it okay to be happy in situations like this?
Is it okay for me to be happy and lonely at the same time?
Is it okay for me to be happy even when I know it's hopeless for me to keep pining after him?
Is it okay for me to be happy when I don't know what I'm doing with half of my life?
Is it okay for me to be happy despite my lack of self confidence and self awareness?
Sometimes I wonder if it's okay for me to be happy, even though I tell other people their happiness is encouraged. Sometimes I forget that my own advice and promises extend even to myself. Sometimes I forget I should take care of myself before I take care of others.
Because more than anything, I want to be happy. I want other things, sure. I want a boyfriend, I want to stop loving him, I want to become a teacher, I want my friends to be comfortable, I want to get good grades, I want to buy the new nintendo 3DS, I want to do well at my jobs, I want to save up enough to go to New York, I want to buy more band merch, I want to paint something I care about, I want to find new music I didn't know about before, I want to fall in love with someone new, I want to believe that maybe everything I do isn't pointless.
I don't know how all of that will happen, of even if any of it will actually happen, but I like to think maybe it's okay for me to be happy just for now.
Sincerely,
xx
Blue
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