I have lost track of the amount of times I have said "Thank you" in a doctor's office. Because even when they can't tell you what's wrong, even when they say things like might and could be and prescribe you medicine you never asked for all you ever wanted was to be right right right but they can't fix you, you still say Thank you because it's the polite thing to do.
When the nurse curses under her breath because she keeps trying to find your vein and failing and she's tried in three different places and you have more bandages on your hands and arms then you ever wanted just from one tiny needle, you say Thank you.
When the doctor scowls at you and tells you This is a serious matter in his doctor voice because you are laughing in his office and how could you be laughing at a moment like this when I just gave you two new medications, you aren't fixed yet, broken people can't be smiling, you nod and say Thank you.
When the specialists tell you they aren't sure what is wrong with you, but they could do this or that to try to figure you and your insides out and they tell you that they'll try to make you better with one of their sad smiles that always seem to say you probably aren't going to get better, you say Thank you.
When your physician asks how are you feeling today? do you have any irregular pain? have you had any side effects? have you noticed any changes in your condition lately? any changes in your eating habits? how are you sleeping? describe your pain. have your symptoms gotten worse or better? and you answer all of them patiently and then you say Thank you.
You say Thank you even when you feel as though you are going to break into a million pieces and you know there is nothing they can do about it.
Sincerely,
xx
Blue
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