this pain isn't empty but it's not real.

Dear you,

I don't know how to deal with other people's happiness.

I don't know how to be strong, I don't know how to tell people congratulations, I don't know how to tell someone I need to cry.

I don't know how to speak.

I know how to listen, I know how to pretend I'm fine, I know how to comfort other people when they're sad.

I don't know how to deal with other people's happiness.

I don't know how to deal with my sadness.

I don't know how to feel.

I don't know how to tell when what I'm feeling is real or made up.

I don't know what to call anything I feel ever anymore, or if I ever even knew the names of my feelings in the first place.

I don't know what this pain in my chest is called.

I used to want to know. Now I'm not sure.

I know it's not happiness.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue