feel my soul and veins then tell me they aren't real.

Dear you,

You give me chest pains like no one else has ever given me and I have no idea what they mean.

He gave me chest pains that made me giddy and blush and smile, and he gave me chest pains that made me laugh and want to run.

The chest pains I get from you feel like a heart attack and make me way to lay in the grass on a summer day and do nothing but stare at the clouds.

 You make me feel things I don't understand. You make me smile but also question why in the world I feel anything at all because we are so different.

You aren't like me at all but somehow that makes us work.

And I don't want to feel this way. I don't know what it is or what it means and I don't understand why it is that my heart does this clenching thing that is painful but feels right at the same time anytime I talk to you.

I used to stare at your back when you were sleeping, wondering what it would feel like to slide my fingers down your spine. I used to trace my scars and imagine you kissing them.

Sometimes I catch myself still thinking about those things.

And then my heart get tight and clenches and I wonder if maybe I wasn't supposed to leave but I can't bring myself to hurt you again.

My walls are high and I'm afraid I've forgotten how to get around them. So I'll just stay here, reading your words and wondering how a real heart attack feels.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue