guess i can't pretend anymore.

Dear you,

The first words I heard out of your mouth made me dislike you.

But it's okay, because seven hours and ninety-one games of solitaire later and you were calling me Babygirl and making me laugh so hard I was crying and made me smile so hard my face hurt.

How in the hell you did this, God only knows but at least it was a thing that happened.

And it's weird for me because that happened really fucking fast. Like, way too fast. And it's not as if we're beyond anything but friends or anything like that, because that would be even faster but you're definitely adorable and your laugh kind of kills me a bit. Plus you call me Babygirl which kind of makes my heart flutter each time I hear you say it. God, you flirt.

 All I know is that I haven't smiled that hard in awhile. And I mean in the easy way. I was easy smiling. And I know this probably isn't a big deal to anyone else, but for me that was a big fucking deal.

You are monumental in my life at this moment because I'm still trying to figure out how you did that.

Each time I see I have a message from you, I kind of freak out. It's weird. I don't freak out in the same way I freak out when I receive a message from my brother's friend or anything, but I definitely get anxiety and wonder how the hell to reply and how fast to reply and if I can tell you random things like I would anyone else or if that really is too soon.

I guess it's friendship anxiety. Is that a thing? Can that be a thing? It is now.

I don't know, I just worry. I just worry I'll become annoying or crazy or psycho and you'll drop me and I won't get to easy smile again because of you. Because I like easy smiling. I love it, in fact. I've forgotten what it feels like, ever since he and I broke up last February and ever since he disappeared last December and ever since he moved out and ever since she told me she never liked me two years ago.

It's difficult to remember exactly what easy smiling is like until it's happening and you made it happen and it was definitely a thing I don't want to stop happening.

Just please don't get scared off and let's become real friends, okay?

Sincerely (hopefully),
xx
Blue