we'll become silhouettes of dreams.

Dear you,

I have been in love with you since the day water almost killed me and you kissed my lips but said I wasn't ready yet.

If you asked me what it was that made me fall in love with you, I wouldn't be able to give you a definite answer. But maybe it's the way you smell like old attics and memories and cough medicine or maybe it's the way your lips tasted like regret and salt and the rain in the fall.

It could be the fact that each time someone forgets an old lover's name, you start to cry. And darling, when you cry I can't help but want to lie to you to tell you it's alright, that they'll remember it eventually. Because they never do and you never really do stop crying. Or maybe it's that you live in a forgotten era that no one but you will ever pay witness to or maybe it's the way you are like a dream but you demand to be taken seriously.

I think I love you mostly because you keep giving me those sad smiles and whispering to me Not yet in my ear when I'm about to fall asleep, even though I know you're just as in love with me as I am in love with you.

You love running into me again and again, in hospital hallways and in cold riverbeds and in dark nights and beneath the light of the moon when I'm staring you down but you keep whispering to me, Not yet, love. You and I both know it isn't the time for this. And you once again give me the softest of kisses, sometimes on my cheek or sometimes in my hair and I have to wonder how much longer I'll have to wait for you.

I've been in love with you since the day water tried to kill me or maybe I've been in love with you since the day I wondered what fire felt like or maybe I've been in love with you since the day I stopped breathing or maybe I've been in love with you since the first time I bled or maybe I've been in love with you since I saw you for the first time at the funeral.

You make me forget to breathe and you leave me with heaving lungs after you take your kisses from my lips and steal another piece of me to keep until you can have all of me.

Not yet, darling.

not yet

but even with those words, we both know you won't wait nearly long enough for me to ever be ready.

Because no matter how in love with you I am, I might be more in love with living than I ever was with you.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue