I am convinced that you don't actually know me. That one day when I say hello you are going to smile back and say hi but you aren't going to look at me because you won't remember who I am.
And this may seem weird, but that's going to be the day my heart finally kills my dreams.
I'm braced for that moment, because on top of believing that you don't actually know me, I am also quite convinced that no one is going to remember me.
No one is going to remember who I am or what I did or what I said, because none of it really mattered to anyone. And the only people it did matter to are gone or are off on their own adventures, conquering the world without me beside them.
I try not to care about this forgetting thing, but honestly speaking it hurts. It hurts to know you care more than anyone else ever cared about you and it hurts to miss someone so much you can't breathe and it hurts to know their lungs are just fine.
It hurts to know you are one day going to forget me, because I hardly really mattered.
And I understand that I was the one who left. I get that I was the one who walked away, but still clung on in the only way I could. I get that you've moved on.
But I haven't.
I don't think I'm really all that good at moving on from the things that mattered to me.
But here's another thing: even though the thought of you forgetting me makes my heart hurt and my dreams die a little bit, it's not like it really makes me sad. I'm not all that sad about it, because I knew it would happen all along.
Does that make me just a generally sad person?
Probably.
Maybe my sadness is why you're going to forget me.
Sincerely,
xx
Blue
(or Heather, whatever the fuck you wanna call me, it doesn't really matter at this point, anyone could have figured it out)
I don't know you. But I remember what you wrote and what you write because it is so amazing. I'm sorry, sometimes I don't know how not to be vague but your writing is unreal.
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