retrospect is a bitch.

Dear you,

She has been angry since the day she found out my lips were no longer virgins and I didn't know how to apologize for it. 

I have been angry since the day they asked, "Do you like him?" and I didn't know it, but that question was a sword meant only for my heart. 

She had the right to be angry once, but grudges never looked very good on anyone. And I apologized once but I won't apologize again. 

Because I'm STILL FUCKING ANGRY ENOUGH AT MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THE BOTH OF US. 

I'M ANGRY AT EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEING ABLE TO CONFIDENTLY SAY I LOVE YOU WITHOUT DOUBTING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. 

I'M ANGRY AT EVERY GIRL WHO HAS EVER GOTTEN WITH A BOY WHO ONCE LIKED ME BECAUSE I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW TO FLIRT.
I'M ANGRY AT EVERY PERSON WHO HAS EVER BEEN HAPPILY 'STRAIGHT' BY DEFAULT.
I'M ANGRY AT ANYONE WHO DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO NOT KNOW IF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR BODY OR YOUR HEART WHEN THE ONLY THING THAT'S WRONG IS SOCIETY. 
I'M ANGRY AT EVERY PERSON WHO HAS TOLD ME I WAS BROKEN.
I'M ANGRY AT ANYONE WHO HAS EVER THOUGHT IT WAS A CHOICE BECAUSE I FUCKING WISH I COULD JUST TURN IT ON INSTEAD OF BEING IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF "OFF". 

I'M FUCKING ANGRY AND YES, THIS INCLUDES AT YOU AND HER AND HIM AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE.

And it hurts because you and her will never get it. You'll never get what it's like to have someone tell you they want you and you can't say it back in the way they want because while you love them, you can't feel the same desire.

You can't feel it and you wish you could so badly, you try to force it upon yourself in the form of a boys lips who will never love you for anything more than your boobs. 

You won't ever get it.

I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at myself and the world for not telling me who I am and I'm angry I never knew until it was too late. 

I'm angry at everyone and no one at the same time.

I'm just angry that no one ever told me it was okay to be who I am.

Sincerely,

xx

Blue