i'm in lesbians with you (sort of).

Dear you,


When you patted my leg to mark me as your own, I nearly felt my heart stop. And I get that you were drunk and I get that it was a joke and I get that I wasn't your first option, but none of that matters because you picked me.

Plus my brother was only half-joking when he said she was taken. 

What I'm afraid of is you don't really remember it (and only told me you remembered it so I wouldn't feel bad), because god knows those shots were doing more talking than you were. 

And I got home after that long night that I wish had gone on longer and all I could think was I wish it had been real.

My heart beat kept skipping every time I thought about your fingers between mine and every time I thought about your drunk head leaning on my leg. 

And it only got worse when you joked about making it a real thing when you were sober.

I get that you're only joking and I get that I'm weird and I get that I'm two and a half years younger than you and I get that I live far away and I get that you're my older brother's friend but none of that matters nearly as much as the fact that you smiled when I teased you about making me your girlfriend. 

None of it matters because all I want is for it to be real so I don't have to pretend to joke about it anymore.

I just want you and I to hold hands and maybe kiss a few times if you're okay with that and maybe hang out in your bedroom or something and maybe when I don't live so far away that can happen or maybe if I wasn't your best friend's little sister that could happen but I'm sorry that I can't change my family and I'm sorry I didn't meet you first.

Maybe all I really need is for you to stop telling me you like my hair with that adorable smile and then I can just get over it.

Sincerely (yours?),

xx

Blue