all birthday songs sound out of tune.

Dear you,

My birthday is in two days and I'll be turning nineteen.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I can't whistle and I don't know why that seems so important but it does.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I've only ever been in one relationship that mattered and I've only ever had one boy in love with me and I don't know how I managed to get him to love me in the first place.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I only have $30.42 to my name and I don't know how to handle that and I can't get a job and the stress is eating me alive.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I'm trying to major in art but I don't actually know what the fuck I'm doing with my life and I really hate that I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I just really wish someone would come tell me the right answer.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and the only valuable skill I have is writing but I never manage to finish anything.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and no one gives a shit except for me.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and my room is a mess and my mom doesn't like me and I don't know how my dad feels about me 98% of the time and my brother is probably the only person in my house who even thinks I'm the least bit useful.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I've never kissed a boy but boys have kissed me and somehow I need to make that distinction because to me it's very important even if it isn't to anyone else.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I'm terrified no one will ever love me but mostly I'm just terrified I'll never get over this stupid boy who I never made any promises to.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I feel so young and small but at the same time I feel damaged and worn out.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and I've forgotten what it means to be a dreamer.

I'm going to be nineteen in two days and all I want for my birthday is some understanding and maybe some balloons.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue