stop telling me i'm pretty (keep telling me i'm pretty).

Dear you,

I'm so obnoxious.

I don't think I've ever been more annoyed at myself in my life.

Because I can't shut up about you.

I just spent like an hour (or more) in a parking lot outside a closed gas station and the majority of that time I spent talking about you.

YOU.

And all I can think is how angry I am at you, but at the same time I know that one stupid smile from you and I'll be right back to being on my ass because you knock me head over heels without even trying.

You don't even have to say anything. And I know I'm dumb. I know I'm lame. Super lame. I'm probably the lamest person in existence. Because the idea of your lips makes me tremble and get anxiety and makes my palms sweat and you just make me so angry but not really because I freaking can't stop loving you.

I don't want to love you.

I really don't.

Life would be so much easier for me if I didn't. If I could go back to being passive and not this weird version of myself that is two parts lovesick and one part insecure.

I like you so much and a part of me is terrified you haven't thought about me in weeks. (A very large part of me.)

I like you so much and you probably don't even remember I exist half the time.

And I realize I have no claim over you. I realize that you're totally justified in not liking me as much as I like you because everyone is entitled to their feelings. But I talk about you so much and complain about you not liking me so much that there are people ready to beat some sense into you.

And you probably have no idea.

I've never liked someone so much. I've never thought about their smile or their stupid jokes and all of this is your fault because you started this whole thing by flirting with me and you aren't supposed to do that.

I can't handle boys jokingly flirting with me. Boys don't flirt with me, and when they do, I don't notice. But you made me notice. And I don't know how to stop noticing even when you decided you didn't want to like me anymore.

But the problem is just when I think I can maybe pretend that I can forget you exist, you drag me right back in again.

Sometimes I think about you so much and get so nervous all on my own that it's hard to breathe. Like I feel like anymore of this and my heart will explode.

I don't want my heart to explode.

But then again all I want is my heart to explode from you deciding that maybe you can think about me almost as much as I think about you.

I just hate you.

Except I obviously don't.

I'm lame.

Excuse me while I go back to trying to pretend you aren't the only person I think about like 85% of my day and continue listening excessively to love songs.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue

P.S. Taylor, I'm really, really sorry. I am so annoying. Help. (Except you already gave me help.) I'm just glad you're my best friend.