you didn't notice me falling.

Dear you,

How do I tell you
that I want you back
when you weren't even ever mine in the first place?

And I know I've written way more letters to you
than you ever deserved
and way more words
than anyone ever wanted to read about you,
but I just can't seem to stop.

I can't stop because you are in my head more than I would like to admit
and you have tapped into pieces of myself
that I didn't know still existed.
And now you are rooted deep into the soil that makes up the garden of my soul
and I keep coming up with metaphors for you,
but the thing is I'm sick and tired
of giving you metaphors
when you won't even give me more than a parting glance.

I fell in love with you.
I fell in love with you suddenly
and I don't know how or why or when
or what even made me fall in love.
All I know is that it was you
and I don't even know why it had to be you
and I wish it wasn't.

I wish I hadn't fallen in love with you,
but at the same time I'm so glad I did.
Because it made me feel whole again,
like I wasn't some empty shell of a person anymore.
I don't know why it was you
but at the same time I can't imagine what I would be like
if I hadn't fallen in love with you.

And everyone is so sick of hearing
about how your hair makes me happy
or how your smile kills me
or how I love that half-laugh
you make when you find something funny or clever
and how I love the way we can tease each other.

And sometimes I think I'll get over you
and then I remember
there are pieces of my life you know better
than even I know them
and I know I won't ever really be over you.

And sometimes I think
I can try to get you back
but then I remember
you weren't ever even mine in the first place.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue