somebody should have told me.

Dear younger me,

This is a letter to tell you all the things that no one ever told you, but that should have been said.

First, when the pain starts do not wait seven months before you go to the doctor. Do not make excuses, do not buy into the idea that someone has it worse, do not pretend you are fine. Because you and I both know you aren't fine.

When he starts going to therapy, notice. He needs you more than you need him, and I get that you're hurt that he kept it a secret, and I get that you wish your family had noticed, but unless you ask him, he isn't going to tell you. That's just how he is.

When your best friend insults you and you are hurt, tell her so. Don't keep it bottled up, don't hold it in. Because some day you are going to throw it back in her face in the wrong way and you are going to hurt her. So take the time to tell her that you don't like being called stupid, even if it is a joke.

When that girl calls you an idiot, don't retaliate with your fists. None of those fist fights were really worth it or really solved anything. All they did was make you a bully. Except that one where you hit that girl because she was bullying your friend. She deserved it.

When he won't give you a fist bump because you're a girl and he, "Doesn't punch girls", do not take one of your feminist stands. He's only joking, even if his joke is misogynistic, and he's drunk. He doesn't know better.

When your mom calls you a bitch, do not call her one back. Cry, if you need to. Don't hold it in and only yell back. That isn't what she needs and that isn't what you want. And most of all, apologize first.

When you hear he has started dating another girl and he didn't like you in that way, do not be sad. Do not be angry, either. Be happy for both of them. It wasn't through anything you did or didn't do. He will keep on loving you, maybe not in the way you want, but it will be in the way you need.

When he tells you he loves you, say it back. You do not need to compare the love you feel to what others feel, because it is your heart. He needs to hear you say it and you need to hear yourself say it. Do not deny yourself that right to love, and do not go running to another boy for answers when you already know them.

Lastly, when he comes into your life, do not let him go. Keep him forever and for heaven's sake, stop lying to him. He will love you just as much, whether you are some made up girl you wish you could be or yourself. And when he does leave, because he will, let yourself cry.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue