There's a lump in my throat and I don't know why.
Maybe it's because I'm being reminded that people besides me can grow up or maybe it's because I'm okay with distance when I put it there but when other people run, I always give chase.
Maybe it's because he's looking for something to get drunk off of right now when all I want to do is talk or maybe it's because my brother believes I'm a better person than I actually am.
Maybe it's because he won't text me back though I really just want him to call or maybe it's because my dog has seizures way too often and I worry about leaving her alone.
Maybe it's because I miss him more than I should or maybe it's because I don't miss him enough.
Maybe it's because I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower and the whole time I was way too aware of the people around me or maybe it's because I don't know how to tell my stories in a way that makes them matter the way that story matters.
Maybe it's because truth or dare is one of those games that makes me both nervous and sad and excited in ways I can't describe or maybe it's because I really want a real kiss.
Maybe it's because I started a new semester last Wednesday or maybe it's because when he started talking about the things he liked I could tell he had things figured out more than I did and I think I might have fallen in love with that part of him just a little even though I only met him three days ago.
Maybe it's because he has a girlfriend now when I liked him so much or maybe it's because there are way too many hims I could have a lump in my throat over right now and maybe I just really need to cry about all of them.
Maybe I just really miss my parents or maybe I just can't face the fact that I'm growing up and everyone else it growing up and my best friend is getting married and she's not even my first friend to get married and holy shit why is everyone getting married and maybe I just really don't like that I'm so lonely.
Maybe I just feel lonely.
Point is there's a lump in my throat and now my eyes are watering and I still don't know why.
Sincerely,
xx
Blue
I love this. I love all of this.
ReplyDeleteLet me get to the point: I want this blog. I want it on Paris Underground so I can say it's there. Paris Underground is a new creative writing blog for graduated students and such. I'm not sure if I want this on there because it's brilliant or because it's honest or because you were the first person to comment on my blog. But damn, I want it.
Paris misses you.
www.writersparisunderground.blogspot.com
I can relate to all of this so much. This was so raw and real. I remember you wrote on my blog once saying that you don't leave comments often because the piece says enough on its own and that's exactly how I feel when I read your blog. I love all of your posts. So genuine and well thought out.
ReplyDelete