let me be your everlasting light.

Dear you,

I knew this was real when I accidentally let slip, "I lo-" and realized what I was saying halfway through and had to cover my face with a pillow while I stopped being bright red and you laughed and when trying to convince me to move the pillow wouldn't work
you whispered, "I love you too."

I knew this was real when you let me make my weird raptor noises in your ear when all you wanted was to shut me up
and kiss my lips.

I knew this was real when I was singing 'Everlasting Light' by The Black Keys and realized every word was true and I wanted to shine just for you and then I asked if it could be our song while simultaneously asking if it was dumb to have "a song"and you answered both my questions with,
"Yeah, let's have it be our song."

I knew this was real when I named your hands explorers and watched as they discovered all my bruises and scars
then wished they would never stop mapping my skin.

I knew this was real when you forgot to ask me to be your girlfriend until at least a week after your first kiss and texted me, "I realized I still haven't officially asked you to be my girlfriend." and I said, "Is this you asking?" before threatening you that if you asked me over text I would say no and then when I finally saw you, you didn't know when the right timing was
so I had to ask, "Don't you have a question for me?"

I knew this was real when I thought about how it was before you and I can't accurately picture it because you fit so comfortably into my life
there would be a gaping hole if you ever left.

I knew this was real when you walked me to my door tonight even though you parked in my driveway and the walk from your car to my doorstep is maybe ten steps if we're being generous and you let me kiss you lots and lots even though you left your car running and we were both really tired
and I knew you had to go home.

I knew this was real when I told you about the new bruise on my knee and you told me, "If it's still there tomorrow, I'll kiss it better." and while I don't want to keep being in pain I felt the tiniest bit of hope
for my bruise to still be there for your lips to heal.

I knew this was real when you let me apologize for keeping you awake so many nights and you kept saying, "It's okay" when we both know I always fall asleep when we're cuddling late at night because I always manage to get more sleep when I'm in your arms
than when my bed is empty.

I know this is real because my heart fluttered today at the sight of you the same way it has been fluttering for over a month now
and I have never loved butterflies so much.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue