I always talk about what's been done to me, but I rarely talk about what I've done. I think that's because what I've done is far worse than anyone could ever imagine and has left me wishing I'd never met you in the first place.
Because while my back may be littered with scars from friends I used to have, your chest is riddled with bullet holes from trusting me.
And I used to promise you that you could trust me, but darling, I was lying. I'm a woman whose kisses are poison and who leaves those who touch her bleeding. My heart may have been broken and stolen, but let's not forget that I bisected your heart just to see what was inside. It didn't matter that I used the utmost care and double checked to make sure my tools were sterile. It hardly matters that my hands shake a bit, so my cut may not have been straight. I took the two halves of your heart and looked deep inside, and dear? You didn't seem to mind. You gasped and clutched at the hole in your chest, with tears streaming down your face, but you still said, "I love you."
I'll never understand how you could say you still loved me after all that.
I realized what I had done and tried to stitch your heart back together. I promised you I was sorry. I told you that I would make you better. But I couldn't do that. I wired you back together but I never studied human anatomy, and I apologize darling if your heart doesn't beat quite the way it should. I wish I could give you mine to replace it.
I know you never wanted my apologizes because you always said none of it was ever my fault. You always assured me that you knew my heart was broken and that you wished you could fix it. You always told me the concerns and depths of your heart. But darling, I don't trust anyone, and I had to see for myself. I had to cut you open and find out if what you said was true. I do apologize for that.
But sorry never was enough and you never wanted my apologizes anyway.
Remorsefully no longer yours,
xx
Blue
0 comments:
Post a Comment