gravity likes to bring me back to earth.

Dear you,

You asked me what has been happening in my life and I gave you some sort of answer equivalent to "the usual" because you can't put a life into a text message. But here's a list of things I really wish I had said:

--I've been eating microwave dinners frequently almost always at midnight and screaming in agony when I almost ran out of cup of noodles earlier this week.
--I bought a snail. His/Her name is Scout. (Did you know snails are hermaphrodites?)

--I killed two goldfish and bought two more. It used to be Atticus and Benedict but now it's Watson and Destrey.
--I spent $181.14 on amazon this month because there are a lot of things on my wishlist. (Whoops.)
--My hair is pink. It was black then red and now it's pink and I regret nothing.
--I got glasses this week when I used to be the only one in my family without them and I'm still bitter about it.
--The boy I like has a piercing and it makes me want one too.
--There's a boy who likes me more than I like him and I don't know what to do about it but he has a really cool beard and very nice hair and likes to kiss my forehead a lot.
--I bought bread and milk this week and it is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me (kind of).
--Yesterday I started crying because I was suddenly $89 in the hole out of nowhere but after a lot of phone calls and making myself a tuna sandwich, I now have back my original $100 and I can be calm again.
--Lately I've been worrying constantly that I'm making my best friends angry with me too much but I can't seem to stop. (Sorry.)
--Vitamin C supplements have suddenly become my breakfast and I'm sorry that I'm getting worse with eating again, because I know how much you worry about that.
--I really like kisses lately.
--Hugs are better though. I think. (Indecisive, oh well.)
--Making out is not nearly as appealing as people make it out to be.
--I'm freaking out about my midterms I just took because I'm sure I did horrible and exams suck the life out of me and sap my creativity completely.
--My roommate and I currently have a bet going about how late her period will be. I don't even care if that's too much information. Deal with it.
--Frat boys make me extremely uncomfortable.
--When people ask me about religion, I become excessively awkward. I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment and don't know anything beyond that God exists. (I really want people to stop asking me.)
--I've become obsessed with keeping my nails pretty when I've never cared before.
--Ditto for my face. Holy make up. I rock that winged eye liner (it's almost always in prime form).
--There have been more and more random bloodstains on my pillow and I'm starting to worry.
--I refuse to go to the doctor still. I'm sorry, but the last time I went, he gave me more pills and they made me break out in hives, so no thank you.
--The only things I care about right now are Across the Universe and my fish tank.
--Kind of the only things.
--I'm so bad at being honest. Still.
--I'm sorry about everything. I really am. And I know you apologized first, but I wanted to months ago.
--I created a fake murder a week ago.
--My best friend finally wrote me a letter and I hang up all his selfies on my bulletin board. Along with his art.
--Dish soap apparently cleans glasses really well which I guess is no surprise, but it was when my ex-boyfriend told me that.
--I keep missing you and I'm sorry. It's probably something you didn't want to know.
--I really worry for the mental sanity of anyone who baths in the communal bathroom half the people on my floor share. Like, do you realize how many people have used that bathtub? Do you realize how gross you are? Okay, bye.
--My friend and I are way too much in sync to handle and we drove aimlessly for two hours two days ago because we started talking and didn't want to stop. We both just want to go on an adventure and never come back. (Maybe we'll go to Paris.)
--I can't make CDs nearly as well since he left and it's been more and more difficult despite how hard I'm trying to make good mixes.
--I just really, really miss my cat (more than I miss you).
--Summer can't come fast enough.
--I've been wondering how the hell to tell my parents I'm asexual or if I even should or if it's just going to be a bother and not worth the trouble and they can just keep thinking I'm a normal, straight girl (because I mean, I'll probably just keep dating boys anyway).
--My dad thinks I might be a lesbian and this concerns me more than it probably concerns him.
--It's weird that my brother likes my best friend but at the same time I don't actually find it that weird 'cause I mean, she's adorable. (But I like his friend so I guess that's just a trend in our family.)
--I think my mom might have more of a social life than I do, and at 47 years old while I'm only 18, this bothers me more than it should.
--Your half smiles still make my heart flutter with the memory of what they used to mean.
--I'll never forgive you for making me snort when I laugh. It's all your fault.
--I lost the necklace my parents got me from the Caribbean and I nearly cried because it was my favorite.
--I can't stop drinking iced tea. Help.
--Twitter now controls my life.
--I just really wish my hair would stop getting all over my white shirts because as much as I love it, I also love keeping my shirts pristine.
--I want to yell at everyone because Walmart doesn't sell springtime wreaths, it only sells crappy Easter things to hang on your door that make me unreasonably uncomfortable.
--My anxiety is getting out of control and I don't know what to do about it.
--Please don't disappear again.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue