is your hair long once again?

Dear you,

Here's a list of things that are still important to me (but probably aren't important to you):

--Hellogoodbye's Would It Kill You? CD and their When We First Met music video and how we claimed every lyric was our lives and our future together (and you laughed when she ate her hair on accident just like I do when I'm eating cereal sometimes)
--Across the Universe was the greatest movie you could have given to me
--I was super grumpy on your birthday when I was drawing you that picture 'cause you kept wanting me to spoil the surprise and you were talking to her more than me and I was jealous but no one knew that because I didn't dare to tell you I was still in love with you
--I misspelled birthday on the card I made you as "brithday" and was so embarrassed I never wanted to make you anything else ever again, but of course I did
--When you wrote that kissing scene for your story between the characters that were "us" I was so happy I nearly died (inside) even though I was trying to keep myself from being in love with you
--I cried the day you told me you wanted to pick her over me but I told you I was happy for you and I still wonder if that was the answer you had been looking for
--You were the first person I ever called by a shortened version of their name and I told you that was because you were special (which you were and still are)
--You got so excited the day you saw I had a Pink Floyd shirt on and I remember wanting to wear it every day from that day onward
--When I sent you my new favorite songs and you didn't listen to them for three whole days, I felt something inside me break
--I couldn't listen to any of those songs you sent me for my birthday for one and a half years because I wanted to hold onto a part of you that wasn't mine anymore
--Every time you used one of my sayings I felt my heart jump up in excitement
--I threw up the night I fought with you because I hadn't meant to say any of those things but I just couldn't stop
--I only had three panic attacks for the four years we were friends and ever since you left I have had more than I can count
--I'm sorry
--The way you had a passion for nearly everything you did filled me with the same passion for everything I did and somehow now I find it hard to be motivated to do more than the minimum
--I still have every single chapter of our story saved on my computer and maybe some day I'll finish it and have it published
--The lump that forms in my throat every time I make cookies because you aren't here to say, "Unquestionable"
--Comparing the length of our ponytails when we were both trying to grow out our hair and you laughing when I completely beat you and how now I can't cut my hair without thinking of yours and I just wish I had told you it was beautiful because that's all you ever were
--Our trips to Saturn were my favorite and no other vacation can compare
--You understood a part of me that I can't even explain to myself and I think you took a lot of that part with you when you left me
--I drink water now because of you
--I never told you about my medication and I wonder if I had you would have felt worried enough to stay
--I didn't have a Valentine for the first time in over ten years this year because you were gone and I broke up with him over a year ago
--Every time I pee I think of our peeing races and how very, very weird it was that we even had them but now I know I'm capable of going to the bathroom in less than twenty seconds
--I think you would have liked my glasses
--I think you would have liked my red hair even better
--I can sing every single word to a French song when I've never learned anything in French because of you and somehow I feel like that's one of the most important things of all
--There's a gaping empty hole inside me that I don't know how to fill now that you're gone and I don't think I'll ever be able to fill it
--I miss you

Sincerely,
xx
Blue