just a small girl from a small family.

Dear you,

I have a lot of embarrassing habits. And I have this urge to tell them all to you so you know just what you're getting yourself into.

I bite my fingernails. Not necessarily when I'm nervous though. Mostly when I'm thinking especially hard about something. Or during an action movie. Action movies sometimes get my fingers bleeding.

I blush really bright red when people ask me about boys I like. Just mentioning their name or saying something along the lines of, "Sooo, you and him, huh?" and it's like the Fourth of July beneath the skin on my cheeks.

I squeak when I'm particularly happy. And I mean the giddy happy, the happy you get that comes with butterflies. I literally squeak. Super high pitched and tiny-voiced and little squeak of happy that bursts from my insides.

I'm really, really, really, really bad at flirting. And I say really bad the lazy way, because my attempts at flirting are so mortifying that I should not be allowed to pin any other innocent words on it to describe my failure.

I bite my lip along with my nails. Mostly when I'm nervous. Sometimes when I'm thinking. A lot of the time it's when I'm asking for something. I always bit my lip when I talk to parents.

I sleep with my baby blanket and the stuffed animal my mom bought me in New York when I was nine. Every night. I can't sleep without my stuffed animal and once I left it at home accidentally and my mom had to mail it to me at college. This is how much I haven't grown up.

I fart. Okay? I do. Like a lot. It's because I have problems with my stomach. It's not something I can help. It's horrifying.

I swear more than any person who isn't a sailor should be allowed to. I'm getting better at controlling my words, but sometimes they just slip out. I'm not very cute in that way.

I mispronounce words often. "Specific" and "permanent" get me every time. I will never say them right, and I usually avoid them because I don't like people telling me I can't pronounce them. I know. I suck. Just deal with it like I do.

If I get asked a question about something I particularly enjoy, I will go on and on about it for hours so you have to stop me. I seriously won't stop once given the opportunity. It's like a switch gets flipped and suddenly I can't shut up.

I'm clumsy to the point where I frequently manage to trip over my own feet or over nothing at all. I've tripped at job interviews, on dates, down flights of stairs, in junior high into the orchestra pit in front of a full auditorium. My life has been one long series of falls.

I have really sweaty palms. I don't know why, but they are constantly getting too hot and sweaty and it's gross and horrible and makes me really embarrassed when I want to hold someone's hand and have to keep pulling my hand away to wipe it on my leg.

I hide in my hair when I'm shy. Like sometimes I'll pick up chunks of it to hide my mouth with. Why I do this, I don't know. It's like I give myself a constant fake mustache with my own hair.

I snort when I laugh too hard. I try to refrain from snorting, but then sometimes I just laugh harder and get to that weird silent laughter point and suddenly I'm snorting even more. Some people think this is cute, but I just think I sound like I'm dying and trying to gasp in air through my nose.

I have loads more but I can't think of them at the moment. I promise they exist. But I just want you to know that even if I am embarrassing, I still think you're really cute and hope you aren't scared away by me.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue