silence is a murderer.

Dear you,

I only managed to tell you I loved you once.

Maybe that's why I appeared so indifferent to you.

I'm terrified of seeming too eager and I'm terrified of never getting my feelings across.

I'm even more terrified of never having my feelings reciprocated.

I only managed to say it once, and I wish I had said it more.

I wish I had told you how I needed you, I wish I had told you how I wanted you, I wish I had told you I loved you at least once more.

I wish I had asked you to look at me instead of her.

I wish I hadn't been so afraid of what they thought.

All I ever wanted was your shoulder beneath my head and the night as our blanket while you whispered sweet good night nothings into my hair.

All I ever needed was your laugh, large and over bearing, let out in those great gasps that always had your stomach heaving and me breaking into a smile that nearly cracked my face.

All I ever loved was you from your messy hair to your dirty soles, from your sun blessed hair to the way you never understood what a real mother was like.

I couldn't say any of that to you and I wish I had.

Regret is bitter in my mouth now that you are gone, but the taste has been there since the moment your lips left mine and found hers.

You didn't know it but my lips have always been captured since the sunset you believed should have never happened.

I wonder now if maybe I had been less indifferent I might have been able to keep your lips on mine a little longer.

I never managed to tell you I needed you.

I never managed to tell you I wanted you.

I only managed to tell you I loved you once.

One time that was swallowed by the hundreds of times she asked you to stay.

I never managed to form the words to ask that of you.

Sincerely,
xx
Blue